Monday's Mood : Mocha

  For Monday's Mood I'm choosing Mocha. Pretty much because the only coffee I've been drinking has been decaf. I'm missing the chocolate and oooh caramel or maybe peanut butter and now I'm thinking of ice cream. Figures!

 Warning: Personal Post

The past week has been rough. Travel on the road for answers has been very bumpy since I found out our insurance doesn't cover fertility. I've googled myself out! I've since seen my Dr.  I was dreading the scale. I know I've gained weight and this has been extremely hard for me to watch the scale climb higher. (I started to remove my shoes when I was starting to loose weight. It's become a habit now) But there I was again watching it climb and hit 111 lbs. I squeezed my eyes tight and shook my head. Thankfully, I was quickly interrupted by the nurse who sent me to the last room so she could take my temp etc. Then came in Dr. F  who I explained my plight to. He told me that my left ovary (the one the hurts) is a bit larger then the right. He doubts it's  PCOS since it's usually the case with over weight womenn.  He immediately put a call into the fertility center to find out what we can do. I could hear the message on the speaker. "We are in a lunch meeting" it touted. He left a message for them to call him and even gave his cell number. He promised he'd call me as soon as her heard back. He examined me and attempted to reassure me. When I got home I heated up my cup of decaf, climbed the stairs and sat my phone next to me on the bed. Turned on the monitor and waited for it to boot up. I was nodding off in front of the screen (did I mentioned I haven't been able to sleep either) and BUzzz my phone went off.  It was a number I didn't recognise. "Hello?" I stuttered.  On came a familar friendly voice. It was  Dr. F he had told me " I think I have great news for you!" apparently he had discussed my situation with a nurse at the center. " She mentioned some anorexic patients don't get their period back for years until they achieve their ideal weight." Years! I thought. "I told her great! My  patients will love being told to eat!" "Yeah, I started to joke all except the anorexic ones" meaning me. " I'm gonna say make your goal 125-130. If you get your period before 125 give me a call." I grabbed a pen and my trusty note pad and wrote "125-130- Ideal" down. I took a deep breath. "Hoo boy, here we go" I thought. Then he suggested I meet with his wife who worked with woman on a diet plan. She could tell me what foods to eat and what not to eat. "I would love that." I said. So tomorrow at 10 am sharp I'm meeting with her. I'm hoping this really helps. 

   Cut to:  Sunday Oct 17th. Hubs and I are wrapping  his sister C's baby shower gift. (Oh, did I mention her shower was Sunday and here I am a wreck! Still, I was determined to make an appearance. I wanted C to know that I loved her and was happy for her and her husband.) I was doing fine until I got to the onesies. I must have folded them six times trying to get them just wright and wrapped in the tissue paper. They were so perfectly soft a green one for the boy with "What does the cow say?" written on the front. On the back was the answer "Moo Moo" in a little cloud. The Pink one for the girl "What does the cat say?" " Purr Purr" on the back. I manged to wrap both little monkey suits and the hats but once I got to the onsies I started to shake. I could tell Nick noticed this since he scooted across the floor to take the little clothes from me and hold me. I curled up on his lap and cried into his shoulder. 

 When we arrived at C and T's house. The party was in full swing. Their house is quite cute. We made our way past the monkey face cupcake and  the pink and blue decorations on our way into the living room. It was gift opening time and there was C sitting there with her  bump. I wanted to hand her the gift and give her a hug but I couldn't seem to find a path through all the sea chairs and cameras. I decided it best to stay back and not draw any attention. I handed our bag to be passed up to her and waited for her to get to open it. I leaned my head on Nick's shoulder and he kissed it gently to comfort me. C opened what seemed bag after endless bag of clothes, stuffed animals, baby gear etc.. Then she was handed ours. "Phew" I thought. Somehow, I wanted to see her reaction to our gift esp. those onsies. I don't remember how but when dinner was announced I made my way thrugh the crowd and hugs C. "We have to go I said just wanted to give you a hug and tell you we love you" she thanked me and said she was glad I showed up.   Nick and I left and made our way out past the crowd in the kitchen. As we started to walk away my limbs where feeling heavy and I about collapsed into Nick sobbing. When we got into the car I said " I wanna just go home." But we couldn't go home. We had a ton of junk in mom and dad's garage and it really needed to be relocated to the apartment.  We loaded up the van and headed to our apartment. Nick unloaded most while I cleared out under the stairs. Then we took the last two trips together. After  we got home after dropping off the van I started to cry. Nick looked down and found me having opened a little silver box. In this box was a little winter outfit I picked up years ago. It was old fashioned and had a knitted bonnet and two pairs of socks. " I bbbought this when ..." I started to stutter. Nick softly simply said " I know" He walked me over to the couch and we sat down. I leaned into him and he put his arm around me then stroked my face as the tears streamed down. " I love you" he said then he kissed me on the forehead. 

 I'm starting to shake again. I was relocating our "children's library" to the office today and shelve all those wonderful books. I've had a bowl of cheerios a few apple slices and an individual bag of orveils light kettle corn (my newest addiction).  At first I didn't like it but now I find I actually do. Sometimes with me I've found that I program myself that I won't like something so I don't eat it. Tonight Nick will be "surprising" me with dinner.
(Surprising is when I don't know what it will be so I can't doubt my decision and change my mind umpteen times. I have a hard time with this thanks to the mess I got myself into last year when I started counting calories. I tend to deny what I want or put it off till It's too late to get it)  Nick's wonderful idea of "surprising" me allows me some freedom in away. I can't explain it but for me it's a comforting thing. I can't wait to hug him when he gets home.  So, I'm headed down stairs to put in the final disc of season 1 Ghost Whisper and wait for his call.


                                            Wishes from Wonderland
                                           ~ Alice

Whimisical Wednesday : Featuring Maggie's Mice : Spotlight on Mouseshouses

 Spotlight on MousesHouses


   I love it when I run across cleaver and cute totally imaginative things like this.

I've decided that I needed to shine the spotlight on my most recent blog love.

If you enjoyed the little mouse scenes from Dinner w/ the Schmucks like the Hubs and I did then you should like the following blog as well. MousesHouses is the clever and cute creation of Maggie Rudy who is a very talented feltist and miniaturist. In her blog she has posted mouse scenes that are completely believable everything is made to the form mouse size. Best of all she makes the mice with felt. I constantly amazed what these felters can do.  What a talented lady. Her style reminds me sort of the old Paddington bear stop animation. It's lovely, charming and I even go so far to say has heart. That old fashioned feel that is warm and fuzzy. Know what I mean?  Congratulations to Maggie on her book that will be published March 2011! Well felt and well deserved! (yes, bad pun I know.)

 

Paddington Bear 

Wishes from Wonderland

~Alice